Witty Replies to Whiners


Next time your child asks you Why do I have to…. I’ve got a fresh supply of witty and unconventional comebacks for you to use. Say them with conviction, and don’t dare laugh – the key is to catch your kids off guard.  Distraction, diversion, and redirection are all great methods to help get your kids to stop whining, and back to what they where supposed to be doing…

Child: Wah!  Why do I have to do this?  How come I’m the only one who cleans up after dinner?  Why doesn’t Charlie have to make his bed?  Why can’t I go to the party? But Jimmy and Timmy’s mom let’s them play Dead Space! I have a headache, my stomach hurts, I didn’t sleep good, I’ll do my school later, I’m too tired to go for a walk. Blah, Blah….



Your possible replies: 

  • Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.
  • The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.
  • A wise man adapts himself to circumstances as water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it.
  • Those with greater skill can be beaten by those who work harder.
  • It’s impolite to stare.
  • We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once, shall we dance?
  • Just lie on your back and float.
  • According to my best recollection, I don’t remember.
  • Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
  • You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair.
  • Make your point, then shut up.
  • Be very, very careful what you put into that brain, because you will never, ever get it out again.
  • The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it is just as hard to mow.
  • Your attitude is like a paintbrush, it can color any situation.
  • Don’t look back.  Something might be gaining on you.
  • Look out!  A Spider!!
  •  A man who wishes to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.
  • Your plans will remain no more than an idler’s dream until you rise up and fight against the forces that would keep you small.
  • Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.


  • Take care of your body.  It’s the only place you have to live.
  • Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
  • In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
  • If you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison’ it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
  • The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
  • Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
  • All generalizations are false.
  • If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will.
  • Bridge Washed Out, I Can’t Swim and My Baby’s on the Other Side
  • Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional.

Feel free to add more in the comments section:



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